Mishaps

The other day I was on Google and happened to come across some sites that featured Swedish folk dances. Since I am a descendant of that noble race I was enchanted to learn about this. There were images of native dress, colorful and old looking, but nice, ya know? One dance in particular caught my attention, being the most popular of them all, called the Hambo. It was nothing I’d ever seen or heard of from any of my Scandinavian relatives, but very fun to know about anyway.

I had to wonder, though, if somehow this dance, the Hambo, was in my blood. Because of the following incident.

It was autumn and as I dragged the vacuum cleaner into the kitchen I became shockingly aware of how far behind I was with the house cleaning. A busy summer, canning, company – all of these pleasantries kept me from getiing down to it. But now that the leaves were changing and the holidays were on the horizon, it was time. Old Trusty was there with me ready to suck up the dregs of summer and I let ‘er rip.

I have a walk in pantry off the kitchen and the floors and shelves got sucked clean. The tongue and groove paneling in the kitchen got it, the floor got it, and the track lights got it. Then I turned my attention to the curtains on the back door and the big picture window. Ewww.  Cobwebs, dead flies, little spatters of stuff. How could I have let this go for so long? I wasn’t quite ready to tear down and wash everything, but I could give them a good going over with Trusty.

I put on the brush attachment and went to town. Anything hiding in the big picture window corners and pretty lace edged curtain running along the top didn’t have a chance. No more cobwebs and dead flies there! Then I turned to the small curtain covering the window on the back door. But just as I was about to lean in with the brush, I saw movement. I turned the vacuum off and deftly tugged at the curtain. There in the folds I saw a spider. Not an ordinary spider. It looked like a half baked spider – a half baked ET spider. It was a pale shade of sickly pink. I never saw anything like it. I peered a little closer and noticed tiny eyes just before it scooted away into another curtain fold.

Well, little old ET spider wasn’t going to get away from me. Uh-uh. Between Trusty and me that critter was toast. I turned the vacuum back on, separated the curtain where I’d seen the spider go in and just as I moved to suck him up the dang thing sprang at me.  A full on Olympic jump with all eight legs splayed.

That’s when I began dancing the Hambo. Real spontaneous like. First you drop the vacuum, then you slap your head . Take two steps back, claw your face, and shimmy your arms. Then you whip your head from side to side while searching the floor and stomping your feet. Above all you must remember to keep your mouth shut just in case ET landed in your hair and is waiting to jump in and clean up any leftover bits of lunch in there. So – no screaming while doing the Hambo.

I have to tell you, people, whatever your heritage is go out and learn the native dances. You just never know when one of them will save you from a leaping spider. That Hambo thing must have been lingering at the base of my spine or something – like shingles – and it sure came in handy just then. 

I never did find ET. But I think I may have invented an American version of an old Swedish classic. I’m calling it the ET Spider Hambo.

Image: nongpimmy                                                      Free digital photos